it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
