She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think i got beer on your cat.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
