ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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