I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
