I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.