You can't motorboat a personality
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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