I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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