Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
