So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
