I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
