That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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