Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
