Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
