wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
