so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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