he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The best revenge is premature balding
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They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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