i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
