Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
