she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
