Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
