you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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