I cut my penus on the lid.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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