hotel room ftw
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
