Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
