i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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