I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i think im in europe. pls send help
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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