your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
