i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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