also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
