I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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