there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
