ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
