My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
