I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
