Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
