she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
