Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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