I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize