one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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