the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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