Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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