Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
