If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
