there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
