One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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