There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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