If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
