i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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