Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
