Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
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