I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
