JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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