someone get that fucking seahorse.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
