i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
