Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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