Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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