Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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