I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
