First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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